So this is a pretty tight spot. I really didn’t know what to do. “Hey, where yo restroom at?” I asked. “Right there” she pointed. I got up out of her grasp and went into the restroom. When I got inside, I looked at myself in the mirror and smiled. It felt really good to have an older woman all over me like Paige was. Even, though she wasn’t the best looking taco shell in the stack it was certainly an ego boost. I still wanted no part of Paige so I stayed in the bathroom.
Finally, my uncle and his woman come out of the bedroom disheveled. I waited an extra minute and exited the bathroom. He was already out the door when I hit the hallway and I literally sprinted after him. When we got downstairs I asked him why he left me. “You can handle yourself right? You’re 16. Your little girlfriend was too much for you?” “Paige is not my girlfriend!!!!” I replied. “She’s not my type” “Nigga, Pussy is pussy! Don’t be so picky” he replied. I disagreed whole heartedly. That’s like saying food is food. A hamburger from Burger King is not the same Hamburger from FATBURGER. After debating him for another 15 minutes, we dropped it. We headed over to another female’s house.
My uncle was notorious for dating very petite women. When I questioned him about this he provided me with a very interesting theory. “Thick girls get fat later, skinny girls get thick later” I have seen this theory proven before my eyes for the last 8 years, so I am a witness to the truth in this theory. To be politically correct here, I’m sure if one maintains themselves appropriately this theory can be disproven. Those are words straight from his mouth.
We drove to Compton next and stopped by a big yellow and white house at the end of a cul-de-sac. This looked like a really rough part of town. His girlfriend met us at the door. We didn’t even have to knock. She was very friendly and very petite indeed. Anyway, she had made chicken and homemade fries for us. This was perfect timing after all that driving and hiding from ugly girls. She was an excellent cook. The food was glorious. I noticed this woman was really fragile. She had a funny girlish giggle. I think she felt safe with my uncle. I could tell by the way hey held her and how she would sink in his arms. There was more to this woman than her culinary prowess. Next thing I know, the phone rings. She answered the phone with her soft girly voice. I could hear yelling on the other side. It was her brother and he was a blood. He knew my uncle was there and yelled at her because she let him in. I began to worry a little when he started calling and asking to speak to the “rickett”. They went back and forth dissing each other when I heard “I’m on my way!” on the other side of the phone. I was ready to go. However my uncle was ready for battle. I began to wish I was back at my grandmother’s house listening to my R&B music. I would have been much better off there. “Come on BJ!” I’m thinking what does he want me to fight with him? I guess the mature adult woke up inside of him and realized that this was a stupid situation. We got in the car and left before anyone got there.
The ride home was quiet. I think both of us were fatigued mentally and physically. When we got to his house, it was very cold inside. He turned on his super powered heater and the house quickly became a tolerable toaster oven. He took out my blankets and threw them on his leather couch. I went into the restroom to change into my shorts and shirt. I poured myself a nice big cup of water and sat it next to the couch where I was going to sleep. My uncle came back into the room where I was sleeping and put a black box on top of the TV. “Hooters is on channel 78.”
Sunday, December 6, 2015
Episode 2: Freaky Talez
It was a cool winter evening in Pomona. I was at my grandmother's house for a week on winter vacation in high school. I was just trying to relax because football season had just ended. Christmas came and went. My brother and cousin were there as well. They were about 10 and 11 years old at the time so they kept each other company. I had gotten a Discman for christmas along with the "Next Friday" Soundtrack so I kept to myself on that night. Sometimes if there was a girl I really liked in school, I'd cut all the lights off and listen to my favorite R&B songs. I'd envision how I would approach her and how things would be if we were together. This night was no exception. "I don't wanna" by Aaliyah was the track i was listening to. Then my grand mother comes in and says "BJ telephone!!!!". What? But i don't live here? What in the hell am I doing getting a phone call at 8 at night at a house i hardly visit? This must be my cousin Joy! Her light skinned homegirl i saw at church earlier probably thought i was cute and wanted to holler? Man, i hope this is not Johnetta calling just to talk! I take the phone from my grandmother. "Hello?" "What up cuh?" It's my Uncle on the phone (see Episode 1). This is even better than the light skinned girl calling. He asked me what I was doing and if I wanted to go hang out with him that night. You know i was all over that. I accepted. He didn't even tell me where we were going but i knew where ever he was taking me, I'd have fun.
Now this was in 1998 I'd like to say, so he had upgraded his 1970 something Chevy Nova to a Jeep Grand Cherokee. As always he had the music blasting. I was ready for a fun night of the unknown. So I get in a we start driving. I had brought some extra clothes because I was going to be spending the night afterward. This was now an ULTRA fun night of the unknown. He asked me where I wanted to go. I had no clue since i wasn't familiar with the area. He suggested we could go play some video games. I was down with that. So we pull up to Dave and Buster's in Ontario. This was the first time i had ever been to Dave and Buster's plus at the time after 9pm they kicked all the kids out and served alcohol. It was like 9:15pm so i wasn't expecting them to let us through. I was wrong. I guess I looked older that night. I had no problems. They sat us at a table and we ordered some chicken wings, french fries, and root beer. Typical grown man meal. While waiting for our food, we start checking out the ladies. (insert "Watching you" by Slave). We see two fine ebony ladies acting like they knew how to play street fighter on one of the arcade machines. My uncle asked me, "Which one you want?". I said. "huh?" "Which one do you want?" I was still confused but i answered him. "The light skinned one". "Nuh-uh, that's my girlfriend" he replied. He told me that he was going to go over there and bring them to our table. I was in shock. You're gonna bring them here? Right now? For what? I stopped and remained silent. Inside I was nervous because I was no casanova with the ladies. If he brought them over here I would have no clue what to say. Before I could express any of that, he was already up walking to them. It was time to man up. I started thinking, "Hey what the hell. I'm 16 years old, it's Christmas break, and I'm hanging out with the coolest man on earth." Let the games begin. "Awww, sh*t! Here they come!" I popped in a piece of winter fresh real quick. You cannot have stinky breath when hollerin' at females. So as he promised, my uncle took the light skinned one and I had the other one. She was a nice brown skinned honey whose name I'll never forget. Charity. She had short black hair and a round symmetrical face. A cutie none the less. I don't know what happened to me but after "Hello" and all the introductions I couldn't speak anymore. I didn't have anything to talk about. On the other had, my uncle was on a roll. His girl was laughing and everything. He eventually just ended up entertaining them both while i was sitting there quiet.
After a while we decided to leave Dave and Buster's. My uncle snagged his light skin honey while i snagged my shirt on the door on the way out. The ladies went on their way separately. I later found out from my uncle that "Charity" actually thought I was cute but I was just really quiet. I was kicking myself afterwards. I got "Carpe Diem" tattooed on my left arm as a reminder to never let an opportunity pass you by. Seize the day. As for the light skinned lady, she currently has 2 kids by my uncle that no one ever sees.
So it's a little later now but our night was not finished. My uncle asked me what i wanted to do next. I had no idea. "Go home?" I suggested? "Do you still have free cable?" I continued. "You just want to go to my house to watch hooters." He replied. (I still laugh every time I remember him saying that). That wasn't the case. It was already late so i figured what else could we do. "Well we could go get you some pu**y?" He said. I really couldn't believe he said that. I said no because paying for something I can get for free (eventually) is not my thing. "Pay?" he said. "You ain't gotta pay for sh*t. Just ride with me over here then. After that well go to the house."
So there we were on the 10 freeway going god knows where. I noticed that we were traveling west though. Turns out he had to pick up his Christmas gift from one of his females in Long Beach. Even though it was a nice little drive, I didn't mind. I put in the new DJ Clue CD and just chilled. While we were driving we started to talk about women and relationships. Some of the things he told me i didn't agree with at all and it was mainly because I hadn't had a Girlfriend yet so I couldn't relate. Later in life, 90% of the things he told me in that car ended up coming to pass.
Finally, we make it to Long Beach. I knew what hood we were in. It looked like a pretty rough area and i was tired from the trip. But not a creature was stirring not even a crip. (No one was outside). We go into an apartment building. I'm thinking to myself, "Man, this is a pretty wild night." Having a good time none the less. So we get to the door and we knock. She answers and they embrace. He introduces me to his girlfriend and her ugly friend Paige inside. His girlfriend was very nice with a cute face. She also had a considerable amount of heft on her backside. I applauded him for his selection. I noticed she had on the California vs. Texas high school football game on TV from the previous year. I'm sure it was a coincidence but I sat and watched while my uncle waited for his gift. She comes out with a large blue and gold FUBU jacket that he just adored. Im sure it was only because of the colors. I guess when you stop gang banging, you still have pride some type of pride. He takes her in the bedroom and tells me he'll be right back. I knew what was about to go down but I didn't care. I was enjoying myself plain and simple. Everything was cool until her friend Paige started to make conversation. Oh....lord. "Please stop talking to me." I thought. All I did was patronize her all night. "Oh serious?", "For real?", "Dang", "That's messed up" "That's crazy". But she took this like I was really participating. She offered me a drink. I said "Yea, I'll take root beer if you got it." "Root beer?" she replied. "We don't have no root beer white boy". So black people don't drink root beer? There are plenty of black people that love root beer. She gave be a can of Black Cherry soda. Delicious but was this some kind of gesture? I wasn't sure until she plopped next to me. "Awww hell naww!" I thought. I was thinking about why my uncle was taking so long to come back out. Until I heard it. "ugghhh yea!". That's not what i think it is. "Ohhh damn!" someone screamed. Yes, they were doing what I figured they were. My uncle was in there smashing while I'm here with Craig Mack's sister. Who looked like she had a new found energy. I think the noises turned her on. Lord help me....(to be continued)
Now this was in 1998 I'd like to say, so he had upgraded his 1970 something Chevy Nova to a Jeep Grand Cherokee. As always he had the music blasting. I was ready for a fun night of the unknown. So I get in a we start driving. I had brought some extra clothes because I was going to be spending the night afterward. This was now an ULTRA fun night of the unknown. He asked me where I wanted to go. I had no clue since i wasn't familiar with the area. He suggested we could go play some video games. I was down with that. So we pull up to Dave and Buster's in Ontario. This was the first time i had ever been to Dave and Buster's plus at the time after 9pm they kicked all the kids out and served alcohol. It was like 9:15pm so i wasn't expecting them to let us through. I was wrong. I guess I looked older that night. I had no problems. They sat us at a table and we ordered some chicken wings, french fries, and root beer. Typical grown man meal. While waiting for our food, we start checking out the ladies. (insert "Watching you" by Slave). We see two fine ebony ladies acting like they knew how to play street fighter on one of the arcade machines. My uncle asked me, "Which one you want?". I said. "huh?" "Which one do you want?" I was still confused but i answered him. "The light skinned one". "Nuh-uh, that's my girlfriend" he replied. He told me that he was going to go over there and bring them to our table. I was in shock. You're gonna bring them here? Right now? For what? I stopped and remained silent. Inside I was nervous because I was no casanova with the ladies. If he brought them over here I would have no clue what to say. Before I could express any of that, he was already up walking to them. It was time to man up. I started thinking, "Hey what the hell. I'm 16 years old, it's Christmas break, and I'm hanging out with the coolest man on earth." Let the games begin. "Awww, sh*t! Here they come!" I popped in a piece of winter fresh real quick. You cannot have stinky breath when hollerin' at females. So as he promised, my uncle took the light skinned one and I had the other one. She was a nice brown skinned honey whose name I'll never forget. Charity. She had short black hair and a round symmetrical face. A cutie none the less. I don't know what happened to me but after "Hello" and all the introductions I couldn't speak anymore. I didn't have anything to talk about. On the other had, my uncle was on a roll. His girl was laughing and everything. He eventually just ended up entertaining them both while i was sitting there quiet.
After a while we decided to leave Dave and Buster's. My uncle snagged his light skin honey while i snagged my shirt on the door on the way out. The ladies went on their way separately. I later found out from my uncle that "Charity" actually thought I was cute but I was just really quiet. I was kicking myself afterwards. I got "Carpe Diem" tattooed on my left arm as a reminder to never let an opportunity pass you by. Seize the day. As for the light skinned lady, she currently has 2 kids by my uncle that no one ever sees.
So it's a little later now but our night was not finished. My uncle asked me what i wanted to do next. I had no idea. "Go home?" I suggested? "Do you still have free cable?" I continued. "You just want to go to my house to watch hooters." He replied. (I still laugh every time I remember him saying that). That wasn't the case. It was already late so i figured what else could we do. "Well we could go get you some pu**y?" He said. I really couldn't believe he said that. I said no because paying for something I can get for free (eventually) is not my thing. "Pay?" he said. "You ain't gotta pay for sh*t. Just ride with me over here then. After that well go to the house."
So there we were on the 10 freeway going god knows where. I noticed that we were traveling west though. Turns out he had to pick up his Christmas gift from one of his females in Long Beach. Even though it was a nice little drive, I didn't mind. I put in the new DJ Clue CD and just chilled. While we were driving we started to talk about women and relationships. Some of the things he told me i didn't agree with at all and it was mainly because I hadn't had a Girlfriend yet so I couldn't relate. Later in life, 90% of the things he told me in that car ended up coming to pass.
Finally, we make it to Long Beach. I knew what hood we were in. It looked like a pretty rough area and i was tired from the trip. But not a creature was stirring not even a crip. (No one was outside). We go into an apartment building. I'm thinking to myself, "Man, this is a pretty wild night." Having a good time none the less. So we get to the door and we knock. She answers and they embrace. He introduces me to his girlfriend and her ugly friend Paige inside. His girlfriend was very nice with a cute face. She also had a considerable amount of heft on her backside. I applauded him for his selection. I noticed she had on the California vs. Texas high school football game on TV from the previous year. I'm sure it was a coincidence but I sat and watched while my uncle waited for his gift. She comes out with a large blue and gold FUBU jacket that he just adored. Im sure it was only because of the colors. I guess when you stop gang banging, you still have pride some type of pride. He takes her in the bedroom and tells me he'll be right back. I knew what was about to go down but I didn't care. I was enjoying myself plain and simple. Everything was cool until her friend Paige started to make conversation. Oh....lord. "Please stop talking to me." I thought. All I did was patronize her all night. "Oh serious?", "For real?", "Dang", "That's messed up" "That's crazy". But she took this like I was really participating. She offered me a drink. I said "Yea, I'll take root beer if you got it." "Root beer?" she replied. "We don't have no root beer white boy". So black people don't drink root beer? There are plenty of black people that love root beer. She gave be a can of Black Cherry soda. Delicious but was this some kind of gesture? I wasn't sure until she plopped next to me. "Awww hell naww!" I thought. I was thinking about why my uncle was taking so long to come back out. Until I heard it. "ugghhh yea!". That's not what i think it is. "Ohhh damn!" someone screamed. Yes, they were doing what I figured they were. My uncle was in there smashing while I'm here with Craig Mack's sister. Who looked like she had a new found energy. I think the noises turned her on. Lord help me....(to be continued)
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